Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Curious Case Of The Bloody Baby

What's that, angel pie -- a little scar on your temple? Man, your mom needs to trim those fingernails!

Oh: There's the baby nail clipper, on the end table. I guess your mom trimmed your nails earlier today. Hey, is that another scar, on your cheek? It sure is red.

Jeez, another one? Three red scars on the right side of your face? That is so very, very weird.

Wait a second, that's not a scar. It wiped right off! Was that ... BLOOD?

None of these are scars, they're all blood smears. Holy cow!

Hey, what the -- your entire index finger is covered in blood! Man oh man. OK, don't panic. Where has that finger been ...

OHMYGOD! Your ear is a nasty, bloody mess! It looks like a pasta shell filled with tomato gravy! Did Mr. Blonde visit your crib when I was in the bathroom?

Dad Solo would have leaped into action if only he'd heard the tell-tale 'Stuck in the Middle With You.'
Let's clean that out with a baby wipe. How's that feel? Cool and moist, right? Man, this is a lot of blood.

Ah, there it is -- a pin-point nick inside the ear. It's producing a nice little bead of blood now. How'd that happen?

OK, the bleeding seems to have stopped. No, don't stick your finger back in there. Here, let's go eat some cereal puffs. And don't ever do that again. Whatever it was.


  1. mysterious, indeed. call in a baby detective.

    (nice 'reservoir dogs' reference!)

  2. Ugh, scary! I still vividly remember the time the little girl I was nannying for (she was four at the time) had a bloody nose in her sleep. I went in to check on her and found her literally covered in blood - it was terrifying!

    Glad your little one is OK and it was just a scare rather than something serious.


  3. "ALittleGuitar said...
    mysterious, indeed. call in a baby detective."

    Duh! Like a baby detective would be coordinated enough to answer the phone....they can't even change their own diapers!

  4. I'm sure a baby detective would have a receptionist to answer the phone, duh.

  5. Cringeworthy spookiness.

    'Course now I'm imagining the baby detective as the Etrade baby dude. Baby Etrade dude.